The new law on domestic violence against women in relationships recognizes live-in relationships as equal to marriage. It's also stirred up a debate about the morality and acceptability of live-in relationships in India.

According to the news report here, the law is a paradigm shift in the way the state has looked at the man-woman relationship.

Starting Thursday, when the law for the protection of women from domestic violence comes into force, it will extend equal benefit to women in live-in relationships, as it will to married women. In other words, this means an official recognition to live-in relationships. Under the new proposal, the Government has defined violence against women in such a way that it makes no distinction between a woman who is married and one who is in a live-in relationship.

Accordingly, from now on there will be stringent provisions for violence against women, whether within a marriage or a live-in relationship; verbal abuse and wife bashing will be considered an offence which may invite penal provision of one year in jail and Rs 20,000 fine and, over and above of all this, none of these offences will be bailable. It's a proposal that will provide a relief to all women who may have suffered from domestic violence.

I’m all for personal choice, and I think the Indian Government has very good intentions when it comes to protecting women in relationships, but there’s more than one way to look at this situation.

Women who choose a live-in relationship without marriage are not being forced to make that choice. They make it of their own free will, and have the choice to walk out anytime things go bad.

If they don’t exercise their choice, they are choosing to act like victims. And victim is not how you want to define yourself. Ever!

But there's another reason I believe that women who agree or choose to opt for a live-in relationship, with hopes of tying the knot someday, are doing themselves a great disservice.

Studies on cohabitation, like the one here, have shown that not only are live-in relationships more likely to lead to a weak marriage, but there’s also a higher incidence of abuse and divorce in a live-in relationship.

According to social science evidence, cohabitation presents numerous troubles for the couple. Research has shown that couples who cohabitate increase the risk of divorce if they ever do marry.

Furthermore, there is an increase in the occurrence of domestic and child abuse among those couples living together outside of marriage. Although not proven, it is said couples that cohabitate are not as happy as married couples. (USA today)

Many researchers believe that those who have “trial” marriages will not and do not have better marriages. Many of these couples cohabitate because they believe that their marriage will be stronger since they got to know each other first.

However, research shows that cohabitating couples have lower marital satisfaction and weaker marriages than those who did not live together first.

It is believed that married couples make an attempt to compromise and accommodate to each other’s life because the marriage is supposed to last for life. It is believed that cohabiting couples do not do this because they don’t have a life long commitment.

Personally, I would rather have a live-apart relationship, and date a man a few times a week, than give him the benefit of living with me without marriage. Living together tends to create boredom. Not only is it better for a relationship when you spend time apart, but I believe it keeps the mystery and romance alive.

I believe I deserve nothing less than total commitment and devotion from a man I'm planning to spend the rest of my life with. So, for me, living-in would be the equivalent of lowering my standards and settling for less than I deserve.

For legal recognition of live-in relationships to truly make a difference, we need to go beyond definitions of abuse, to include division of assets and child support for children conceived within such a relationship.

Only when their pocketbook is likely to be affected by a relationship will men think twice before suggesting living-in without tying the knot.

Also Read:

The Verdict On Cohabitation Versus Marriage

The Facts Behind Cohabitation

Love and Sex: Living Together

What It Means to Live with a Man

© Copyright Naaree.com All rights reserved. You may not republish, or redistribute content from Naaree.com, in part or whole, either by framing or similar means. We take copyright violations very seriously and expressly prohibit use of our content on your blog or website or in print without prior written consent.

Comments (2)

Yes, you're right.
written by Priya Florence Shah, June 03, 2007

Yes, I wasn't thinking of marriages where commitment dies, or where partners are not committed to the relationship for some reason.

The idea I was trying to convey is that one should not get into a relationship like that in the first place - or to get out of one if you're in it. To do so would be "settling", in my opinion.

Yes, women are also capable of "using" men. "Using" another person, for any reason, is disrespectful, and has no place in a healthy, committed relationship. But you made some very valid points, and I respect your opinion.

...
written by Satyakam Chakravarty, June 03, 2007

Priya,
you started this very well but somewhere I feel that it lost the track...'lowering my standard and settling for less'. it sounds as in live-in-relationship - man is using the women...whereas it could be both ways and not al all - where both are equally commited.
There are hudreds of cases where a partner/s is/are not commited in a married relationship as well.
Satyakam

You must be logged in to post a comment. Please register if you do not have an account yet.

Priya Florence Shah
		About the author:
		Priya Florence Shah is a single mother, entrepreneur and the editor of Naaree.com, India's online magazine for empowered women. She blogs on relationships, self-improvement and spirituality and internet marketing.
		Read More >>

Related Articles:

• Are Live-In Relationships Unfair To Indian Women?

Articles by this Author:

• How To Transform Your Relationship With Yourself
• Be Responsible For Your Own Happiness
• Don't Settle For Less In A Relationship
• Supporting Woman Abuse Survivors as Mothers
• How To Attract The Mate Of Your Dreams

View all articles by this author