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Tolerating Abuse: How Much Is Enough?

It seems that for the average Indian family izzat is more important than a daughter. How much can we take and what is our limit when it comes to abuse, asks Khushboo Aulakh.

provokedHow much can you take and what is your limit when it comes to abuse? Do you define it within a certain set of parameters – some abuse comes within tolerability while some abuse falls outside all levels of civic morality. Even though the books might say that all abuse is intolerable but as humans all of us have our definition around it.

Philistinism could be something inherent or could be influenced by extraneous factors – liquor perhaps. It is a genetic trait to take out aggression or savagery on the weaker vertebrate. Rape, molestation, marital rape, domestic violence, assault and battery all come under one broad category of abuse and each single branch of this big horrendous tree is preposterous.

I deeply admire the real protagonist of ‘Provoked ‘. Even though she withstood it all for years on end, she did have the courage to end the life of the very man who was her husband. Over the generations, all we have been taught is to listen to men around us and bear all carnal crimes. Why? Is this all a woman’s life is about?

Are we just like mute animals we see walking on the road? When our heart goes out to them, then why doesn’t it feel for us or other women? Why as women, we kill our own daughter in laws for something as materialistic as money? Is it even worth all this?

No, of course it isn’t. You have to stand up for yourself and not let anyone treat you like a doormat. Doormats have no life, people walk on them and walk out, this is what a doormat is for and this is exactly what life is NOT about.

Sexual assault and molestation is something we live with everyday. Is it the penance for being a woman? Penance for Eve taking a bite of the apple? So did Adam, why doesn’t he bear the price? Have we become so used living with abuse that now we even fail to take notice?

In a way, I have become detached from all this. Molestation, in all its varying degrees, is what we deal with day in and day out. A slight degree of molestation may not be wrong perhaps or even if it is, it has become so ingrained in us that we fail to take notice.

It might not be something, which is detrimental to our souls, it might not be something which will leave us emotionally scarred – but it is something which is wrong.

Imagine an 8 year old girl getting molested by a relative or a cousin? At an age where we don’t even know how to look after ourselves, we have to deal with heinous carnal issues!

I am not talking about something new; all of us have been through it some point or the other. In most cases the parents hush the matter if they get to know.

It seems that for the average Indian family izzat is more important than a daughter. It is a sad state of affairs! We forget that a woman has a soul, a soul which is pierced by slaves of lust – something which cannot be undone but we don’t even want to make life seem better for a daughter.

Aggression and liquor bring out the hellion in man, causing them to commit the rape and battery. All rape victims are victims of battery and victims of societal ostracizing. In India, a man is never put at the stake, instead he is always put on the pedestal and worshipped for all his heinous crimes.

A girl gets raped and all auntyjis discuss about the character of the girl, how she was dressed and how she might have seduced the man. Not even a single statistic indicates a correlation between what a woman is wearing to rape! A woman in a sari is at as much risk as a woman in a tube top and a little skirt. Rape is not an act of seduction, it is only aggression or the act of a perverted mind.

Do we just claim to be heading towards the western world? Do we just claim to be practicing their culture? Is it only so that we can look cool and be accepted as a part of the urbane youth? Have our minds stayed frozen at the century that has gone by?

Take charge of your life and don’t worship men, they are there to support you and love you and respect you. They are at par with any woman and you don’t have to be in awe of them. Mutual respect and understanding is more important than fear and reverence. Stop hiding in a shell, break out of it and see how beautiful life is even with all the risks attached.

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