Letting go of someone you love is not easy. To let go with love we need to heal our emotional wounds and move past our hurt so we can learn to love again.
One of the hardest life situations for anyone to deal with is when you love someone but have to let them go. Moving on from someone you love can feel impossible when you’re hurting after a breakup.
But holding on to disappointment, hurt, blame, anger, resentment, and bitterness only hurts us and prevents us from entering a healthy new relationship without the emotional baggage from our past relationships.
We often buy into the illusion that this person is our soulmate or “the One” for us, and that if we don’t have him or her, we’ll never find somebody new. And yes, it can be hard when letting go of him feels like you’re letting go of the love of your life.
But, if you’ve just got out of a relationship and are harbouring a lot of anger, resentment, and bitterness against your partner or against the opposite sex, you need to learn how to heal your emotional wounds before you start dating again.
If you don’t make the effort to do this, you will either end up attracting a person who has similar issues, or your anger and bitterness will end up poisoning even the most loving relationship.
10 Healing Practices For Letting Go Of Someone You Love
When we hang on to baggage from past relationships, we end up projecting our pain on to others in our lives – our families, children and, eventually, our new partners.
Our emotional baggage is usually rooted in our relationships with our own parents, other family members, or in bad relationships we’ve had in the past.
Before you can let go with love and learn to love again, you need to lighten your emotional baggage and heal the pain you’re carrying from past relationships or trauma.
Here are some of the healing practices you can cultivate in order to heal your emotional pain and start letting go of the one you love.
1. Radical Personal Responsibility
The first step to letting go of someone you love and healing the past is to take responsibility for the role you played in your relationship, either by taking inappropriate action, not acting altogether or expecting too much from it.
As the Buddha said, “It is easy to see the faults of others, but difficult to see one’s own faults.” So stop blaming your partner – or yourself – for their actions, and take ownership of your feelings, so you can transform them and heal.
Are there patterns that keep repeating in your relationships? Do you have a tendency to get into abusive relationships, or become abusive yourself?
Become mindful of your reactions to people and situations. Learn to identify your toxic relationship patterns and the unhealthy beliefs that are causing them so you can work on healing these emotions.
From acceptance comes healing, so accept yourself and your partner the way you are. If you’re letting go of unrequited love, accept the fact that the relationship was not meant to be, that it didn’t work because it was not your highest and best.
You can’t force someone to love you, just as you can’t force commitment or marriage. These are stages that should happen naturally when it feels right for both people.
“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself,” writes Deborah Reber in Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul.
“Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself,” said Tony Robbins. Learn to forgive yourself for all the damage that your anger and pain may have caused, and forgive your partner or friend for being human and acting out their own anger and pain.
As Catherine Ponder said, “When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”’
Appreciate the fact that you’re out of a bad relationship, so you can be with someone better suited to your needs.
Be grateful for all the lessons you’ve learned from your partner and mentally thank them for teaching them what you needed to learn about yourself.
“We are all different. Don’t judge, understand instead,” writes Roy T. Bennett in The Light in the Heart.
Learn to look at all people as human beings dealing with their own pain. Spend some time seeing the world through their eyes and you’ll become less judgmental.
Remember that nothing in this world is permanent. Nor do we ever really own anything or anyone, for that matter. Letting go of someone you love often means learning to let go of unhealthy attachments to people, things, and outcomes.
As Ali ibni abi Talib said, “Detachment is not that you should own nothing. But that nothing should own you.”
Learn how to become a strong independent woman. Stop expecting other people to give you the love and acceptance you should be giving yourself.
Learn to meet your own needs, let go of expectations, and enter a healthy, inter-dependent relationship on your own terms. Take responsibility for your life so you can be the master of your own destiny.
Optimism is not essential, but it makes life so much easier. An optimistic outlook, positive attitude and belief that everything happens for the best, can help you bounce back from your loss. Have faith that the best is yet to come.
It takes a lot of tears, hard work, and introspection to break the chains of the past. But it’s worth every moment! The feeling of freedom and contentment that you experience will transform your life.
10. Emotional Freedom
Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a form of energy healing that was popularized by Gary Craig. It is easy to learn, very effective in healing a number of emotional issues and works very quickly to get results.
All of the steps above will become easier when you start practising EFT regularly. It will help you heal your anger and hurt so you can stop blaming others for your pain.
Another technique that can help you heal your emotional wounds is Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT), a form of hypnosis developed by the world-famous therapist, Marisa Peer.
If you’re experiencing anxiety and depression from your breakup and prefer to talk to a professional counsellor, you can get free online counselling for depression, relationship help and more on the AskSHEROES free online counselling chat helpline for women.
Emotional healing will allow you to see your former partner as they really are – a human being with the capacity to love, to care, and to hurt just as deeply as you. It will allow you to open yourself up to love life again, to see the beauty in every experience, to be non-judgmental and open to new relationships.
No time spent in a relationship is ever wasted. Every experience is a lesson and only when you learn the lesson will you progress to the next level. So stop beating yourself up over all the years you spent in a relationship. If it didn’t work, it was probably not meant to be.
Romantic relationships between two happy people can be wonderful, but it’s best to let go of a relationship that’s causing too much pain. Contrary to popular opinion (and sad love songs) love is not meant to hurt. If you’re hurting, what you’re experiencing is not love, but toxic codependency.
Too often we fall in love, not with our partner, but with the IDEA of being in love. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and revisiting the past, do the inner work you need to heal your anger and disappointment and move on with your life.
As Jack Kornfield wrote in Buddha’s Little Instruction Book, “In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”
Letting go of someone you love is never easy, but learning how to heal your emotions after letting a loved one go will help you move past your hurt so you can learn to love again.