Savita Bhatti’s Ulta Pulta: The Great Online Shopping Tamasha

Savita Bhatti’s Ulta Pulta: The Great Online Shopping Tamasha
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While we forget all the major deadlines in life, the little popups never fail to remind us to shop.

So, just as you open your laptop and think naively that you’re going to get your pending official work over now, comes this tantalizing pop up that screams…sale…sale…sale…Bumper sale on Yoga day…buy a refrigerator online and get a toaster free…just for today buy a lipstick and get a pouch free….offer ends in just few hours….

Welcome to the exciting world of online advertising and shopping. It’s so addictive and pumps you up to forget everything else and just shop for that ‘exclusive’ kurta, the matching earrings and shoes at a throwaway price.

Your official mail to your boss can certainly wait.The kurta can’t. So it has to be promptly snatched away from jealous eyes and put safely in your cart.

And when minutes jump by like a ticking bomb, you decide to jump into action when the shopping site tells you ominously, “someone is eyeing your goods in the cart”. You’ve had enough.

The office work will never end; the boss will never stop throwing work at you. But the kurta cannot go out of your clutches. It’s a do and die situation.

Your life will have no meaning if this last piece of kurta as the site tells you is gone. You have to win the war with your friends and claim the prize of the kurta at all cost. It’s another matter that the entire exercise leaves you so exhausted that you have no energy left to send in the official mail.

No wonder online shopping companies like Flipkart, Snapdeal, Myntra, Jabong are jumping the charts and are creating a ripple in the US markets.

In 2013, the American retail giant Amazon too crossed the desi shores. More such companies, more departments, more jobs.

The more successful these companies, the more we are dragged in the complex vortex of online shopping. Earlier when you bought a new pair of shoes, your mother’s indignant screams ran shivers down your spine.

Now like a sly minx you can get your way by shopping what u want. But you know what? We’ve become better planners too.

So we’ve begun planning that in our next salary you will be able to buy that red lipstick. Of course when we click on the red lipstick we also know that we need the red jacket to go with it too.

And you know that if you don’t get the red scarf you’ll be a proclaimed disaster by the invisible fashion police. So starts the shopping circle.

If you have bought a formal salwar kameez you need a casual too for the sweltering heat…if you have heels you need flats… if you have danglers then you need studs for your ears…you can never ever say never!

It’s raining bonanzas in the great online shopping festival and you cannot but love getting drenched.

Gone are the days when you got the one annual miserly gift on your birthday. Now each day is a birthday and you can feign an excited cry of surprise when your parcel arrives, even when you have ordered it yourself.

The happiness you feel on receiving these gifts helps you to survive the ‘chut put‘ angina pains you get when you see the consolidated total on your credit card!

All our religions ask us to chant the Lord’s name. But we are so caught up with the online ‘mayajaal‘ that we rarely have time to think about Godly pursuits.

Maybe if an online company gives you two free PVR tickets alongside the purchase of devotional DVDs, we might just wake up. The day is not far off when an offer to click a selfie at a Gurudwara or a temple might just get you a surprise gift.

Even though men too are habitual offenders it always the woman who’s branded as a shopping addict.

Once in a mall, as the lady was about to clear her bill at the counter, the lady besides her noticed a TV remote in her purse. She asked the first woman, “Do you always carry the remote with you?”

The first woman said, “My husband never comes with me for shopping. So how could I let him enjoy staying at home all alone?”

Well for all you know the patidev at home could be shopping online too.

Mobiles, laptops, grocery, cosmetics, apparel, tutorials, recipes – you name it and you can have it online.

Thankfully there will still be some things for which you will have to step out. One such instance was when lot of guys got this message on Whatsapp:

“ Jitni marzi online shopping karo,

par aapko mere paas khud chalke aana hi padega kyunki……

internet par baal nahi kat te

( Girdhari Nai)

About the author:

Savita Bhatti besides being a stage, TV and film artist, is trained in teaching and journalism. She is the executive producer of Jaspal Bhatti productions and has featured in all their works. She is a prolific member of the Nonsense Club founded by Mr Jaspal Bhatti, and has recently initiated the ‘Jaspal Bhatti Humor Festival’ to create a platform for good and meaningful humor. She can be contacted at savitabhatti@gmail.com

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