Dating Advice: Help, His Ex is Back

The Ex-Girlfriend, when not properly exorcised from your boyfriend’s life, can cause ALL kinds of problems. So what can you DO to protect your relationship from her?

Cruella De Vil.

The Wicked Witch of the West.

That crazy lady who boiled the bunny rabbit in “Fatal Attraction.”

Of all the female villains out there, there is none who strikes fear in the hearts of all women quite like HER.

She is deceptive…

Conniving…

And she will let NOTHING stop her from getting what she wants.

She is… the EX-GIRLFRIEND!

Whether she’s responsible for breaking your boyfriend’s heart in the past, saddling him with enough emotional baggage to fill your walk-in closet…

Or she’s set an IMPOSSIBLE standard for you to live up to, emblazoned in your guy’s memory as “The Perfect Woman”…

Or – worse – SHE WANTS YOUR MAN BACK…

The Ex-Girlfriend, when not properly exorcised from your boyfriend’s life, can cause ALL kinds of problems.

So what can you DO to protect your relationship from the Ex-Girlfriend?

The answer is simple: Nothing.

Well, nothing more than to be the best GIRLFRIEND you can be.

The truth is: begging, pleading, yelling, gossiping, bad-mouthing, crying, nagging and – every man’s favourite – issuing ultimatums – will do nothing but push your man away from you…

Possibly into the arms of THE EX.

 

The “Drama of the Week” is about this very topic.

In my response, I explain why taking the high road can work to everyone’s advantage.

(Except the Ex’s, that is, since she’ll be left in the dust, with nothing but her own DRAMA to curl up in bed with at night!)

And to illustrate my point, I actually share a VERY personal story about the beginning of my relationship with my husband.

Curious yet?

Read on for THE DISH…

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DRAMA OF THE WEEK: “THE EX IS BACK!”

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Here’s a letter I received the other day from a reader:

“Hi Paige,

I have been seeing a guy for about 3 months and now he has informed me that his ex-girlfriend is coming back from overseas and that he doesn’t know how he feels about her and he doesn’t know how he feels about me.

He has just broken all contact with me! Should I wait for him to decide what he wants or walk away?

Laura S. Launceston, Australia”

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DATING DISH TIP: “HOW I EXORCISED ‘THE EX.'”

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My Response:

“Dear Laura,

Well this is an interesting dilemma for me to reply to because I once went through a very similar situation myself!

Years ago, when my husband (we’ll call him Brandon) and I first met, he was coming off a nasty breakup with a woman who practically broke his heart. Still, we started dating and had an amazing 3 months, and all seemed to be going great.

Then one day, the “Evil Ex” ran into a friend of Brandon’s. The friend told the Ex ALL about this “amazing new girl” that Brandon was dating and how happy he was.

I’m sure you can guess what happened… the Evil Ex got JEALOUS and decided that SHE wanted Brandon back.

She contacted him and told him how much she’d missed him, she wanted to work things out, blah, blah, blah…

And that’s when Brandon started to get CONFUSED. And I could feel him starting to PULL AWAY.

 

At that point, I had three choices:

1) I could freak out on him, beg him to stay with me and not see the ex.

2) I could tell him, “Hey, if you don’t know how you feel about me by now, well, then, forget it. Go back to your ex for all I care. I’m done.”

or

3) Give Brandon the space he needed to figure things out.

Now I opted for #3, but here’s the important point… I DID NOT SIT AROUND WAITING FOR HIM TO MAKE UP HIS MIND.

I simply started dating other people.

Mind you, I was already crazy about Brandon and wasn’t really “into” any of the other guys I was going out with, but the important thing was that I was putting forth the effort to keep my options open.

Rather than sitting by the phone, waiting for Brandon to call me and tell me he’d made up his mind, I was getting out of the house, having fun, and meeting new people.

While Brandon was deciding how he felt about ME, I was taking that time to decide how I really felt about BRANDON!

It felt empowering to be mature enough to support Brandon’s time-out to sort through his feelings. Especially because I refused to wait in the wings, all pathetic-like, just hoping he’d choose me. In fact, he was running the risk of losing me, so he’d better get his act together FAST!

Now there’s a happy ending to my story because all it took was one meeting over coffee with The Ex before Brandon realized that this woman didn’t have a hold over him anymore.

After just 20 minutes across the table from her in Starbucks, Brandon knew for sure that the feelings he had for ME after 3 months were far more powerful than what he’d felt for The Ex he’d spent a year with. At that point, he could look her straight in the eye and honestly tell her, with no second-guessing, “I’m sorry, but I’ve moved on and found someone else.”

That day Brandon called me and asked me if we could get together to talk. He was so excited to tell me that he had finally closed that chapter in his past and now was fully committed to creating a future with me.

I still remember his exact words: he said, “When I walked out of that coffee shop and turned the corner to walk away from her, I felt like I was literally turning a corner in my life. I know what I want, and I want to have it with you.”

And the rest, as they say, is history.

 

We were married 3 years later, and we can both honestly say that we’ve never had a doubt about how we feel about each other since.

Now I can’t say for sure how things will work out for you and your boyfriend, but here’s what I hope you’ll take away from my story:

If you really care about this man and are not ready to give up on him just yet, give him whatever time and space he needs to figure out what he wants.

BUT, in the meantime, be sure to take that time and space to figure out what YOU need. If things are meant to work out, they will. And if not, well, you didn’t waste any of your precious time waiting for him.

And who knows… you may end up meeting the person who you REALLY were meant to be with instead.

Good luck, Laura! Please let me know how things work out.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Speaking of putting yourself out there and dating other men…

I explain the benefits of keeping your options open (before a relationship gets serious, that is) in my book “Dating Without Drama ” (in the section entitled “Dating Is Like A Job Interview”).

If you’ve ever been inclined to jump right into a serious relationship without allowing yourself to experience the insight and empowerment that comes from dating different people, Chapter 6 is a real eye-opener! (Take it from me – In my dating days, I once was a ‘Serial Monogamist’ too!)

What’s more, “Dating Without Drama” addresses just about every dating concern you could have…

And provides a SIMPLE, STRAIGHTFORWARD, and SANE approach to achieving the drama-free dating life you’ve always wanted!

Have a great day! I’ll write you again soon.

Your friend, Paige

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Stories and questions in “Dating Dish” are not fabricated by Dating Without Drama, Inc. They are submitted by real people just like you. Names may be changed or deleted to protect the contributors. Comments, questions, and quotes may be edited for length and/or clarity. By sending a question or comment, you are agreeing to allow DWD Inc. to use it in future articles, newsletters, writings, and other works at our sole discretion in perpetuity and further represent that your submissions are factual. Please keep this in mind when you send in your e-mails.